Broken Hearted Hatred

[Isa The Great]

This story was inspired by the lovely admin here during an instant message, so thank her for this. This is mostly just a dribble, something I wrote because I was VERY VERY VERY inspired. It is in the Point Of View of Sailor J, as you'll be able to tell by reading it I hope. It is how I interpet her feelings towards Nephlite, their past, and how he seems to have fallen for Molly. I hope you enjoy! I rate it PG 13 for content and wording. Comments are really wanted!!

He was my heart and soul, and when he betrayed me, I felt the betrayal like a thousand knives cutting into my soul. My heart was completely broken and a hole seemed to be sucking all the broken pieces up. We had so many good memories, yet they all seemed to vanish when the battle broke out and my lightning met his fierce sword in a clash of painful will. In that hour before darkness, I could know no bounds of fear. Thrust after thrust, I came more immune to the pain I was feeling toward the man that I had given my whole heart too. In that instant, I was unstoppable. I was like the lightening that I controlled. Quick and unpredictable. With pounce he tried, I sent a bolt of lightening due to push him back.

I can still remember the shock in his eyes when I wouldn't back down. The smirk that played upon his lips when I would miss an attack and his blade would cut into my skin, causing me to bleed. Like he enjoyed watching my blood spill. I knew he had changed, but never before I had witnessed the complete change until then. Until I could see the blood lust in his eyes where before only lust for me had been.

After I defeated him in a narrow battle, my sense of duty felt lost. I could no longer remember why I was doing what I was doing. While I had wanted nothing to forget he ever existed, I knew that I couldn't. I could never forget the way his hands felt when caressing my body. How my heart jumped just when he spoke my name. Even amongst the battle, with soldiers of both sides falling down, blood going everywhere, I could picture the way things were between him and I. The way he would hold me as if I was his whole world.

Despite my outer appearances I gave off to my friends, I was not as strong as I let on. Inside I was broken with no hope of repair.A tear strolled down her left cheek unchecked.I had quickly wiped it way. The hole that had started in my heart seemed to grow, and all I could feel was the empty alone feeling. Utter despair. Before I knew what I was doing, I had called upon the lightening to strike where I stood. I watched as the lightning formed, tears falling more freely then before. I looked over at my friend as the lightning struck me. I could feel my body drop, but my eyes did not close as I died.

The memories of the past are the presents dreams. Queen Serenity had brought those who perished back to life when she used her crystal. Once again I was to feel a deep since of pain, only I had no clue why it was I feeling the way I did. I hid it beneath my strength and caused my foster family a deal of trouble before I decided to live on my own. Before I knew it, I was back with the team. I was back to doing what I had trained for during my other life.

I fought the monsters brought before me by him before I even realized who he was. I had dreamed of him though, but I couldn't see his face. I could just feel the way he moved against me, the way I felt when he was near. It wasn't until I saw him with her that things had fallen in place for me. I remembered everything, from the great love we felt to the act of betrayal. The hole that I had kept at bay grew more as it tried to consume me.

Hatred got me through it. I hated her. I hated how she thought she could change him with her love. How dare she think that her love was better then mine! I loathed her with a passion, but I could do nothing about it. I was on the good side, it was my sworn duty to protect her. A sad feat when all I wanted was to show her how much lightning could hurt.

He was in her arms when he died again. He had changed, and for her. It took all I had too not create a scene. To not push her away and tell her how it had been me that he loved! Me that he had given his whole heart too before Beryl brain washed him to do her dirty deeds. It was me he wanted for the rest of his life. Me, not her!

But I did nothing but watch, from a distance, as he died in her arms. Watched her tears for a man she barely knew. He died and once again I wanted to follow him.