I hate this...

[dacapo]

I hate it when people I've known for a fairly long time don't tell me when something I'm doing is bothering them until the situation reaches critical mass. Is this normal? Does everyone do this?

[Captain Foxy]

What do you mean?

[dacapo]

oneeyedwarrior said:

What do you mean?

Just something that's gone on for awhile between a good friend and I that is beginning to just.... pop...

[overlord]

Umm, that happens pretty often. They usually act as if they don't care to be nice and when they can't take it no more they usually loose their cool.

[dacapo]

overlord said:

Umm, that happens pretty often. They usually act as if they don't care to be nice and when they can't take it no more they usually loose their cool.

What triggered this is memories from past experiences where people would yell at me or leave me for good, and it would be seemingly all of the sudden, triggered by something small or unknown. It's like one moment I'm friends with them and happy, and the next, they're gone for good or they're handing me my ass. Nowadays when I see certain warning signs, I get extremely rattled, upset, paranoid, you name it. It's because I often don't know what is angering or annoying whoever it is I'm talking to, until it's too late.

I don't often 'get' certain hidden meanings of phrases like "I don't really know how to do [whatever it is]", but recently I was told that at least to one person it means "I'm not interested". Often I need someone to elaborate or clarify the euphamistic phrase he used, so I will know whether or not he is really interested or if he is just trying to blow me off politely. I usually view that kind of 'politeness' as dishonesty, and often even as deliberate dishonesty, an attempt to trick me into thinking that person really cares or is interested when he/she is not. I see it as a way of lifting me up and waiting until I'm high enough, before dropping me just to see me fall and create as big of a mess and as much pain as possible.

Lately I've realized that this is not the case and that I have trouble understanding when people are not up-front. Even sometimes when people are up-front I might view that as them 'just kidding' because that has happened to me as well. Or what has happened is as a child I tested my parents, and they would not discipline me when they needed to, so it gave me the message that they were 'kidding'.

But mostly the deal is that my brain is different than what is deemed 'normal'. I take too much literally at all the wrong times, and I don't always believe people when it's appropriate. Sometimes I wonder if that is much of the reason why I was picked on at school, and several times the center of ridicule for the entire school. It just gets so difficult when it feels like I'm standing on shakey ground, and I don't know if the next move I'm about to make is appropriate. Sometimes I have this feeling inside that tells me that something is wrong, and then I learn when I go against this 'gut feeling' that I should sometimes trust it.

Anyways though, this friend and I have worked something out, basically we need to give each other space and work slowly, and set some clear boundaries. I've also done my part with others online, asking them what their limits are, what they would absolutely not do in roleplays, that kind of thing. Just remember when dealing with me, I often need some help with certain hidden meanings and the like, and if I seem to be insistent or something like that, it might really mean that I didn't understand what you really 'meant' in what you said.

Sorry about the long post. Just had a lot to explain ^^;